Me: Oh, nothing for right now. I'm with the band.
Bartender: Band? We aren't a music venue..we have--
Me: --no no, don't worry it's cool. You might not recognize me.
Bartender: To the left is the door to the basement stage if that's what you mean...
Me: You read my mind, brotha.
Me: So I want my band's name tattooed on my lowers ribs.
Tattoo artist: Ok, great. What kind of music do you guys play?
Me: Go fuck yourself. *runs away*
Me: Hey, so what'd you think of my band's demo tape?
Friend: You just linked me to a comedy podcast.
Me: Hahha...yeah...Good, right?
Me: What would you say was the funniest lyric I said last night?
Therapist: You are completely disillusioned.