2013

Happy New Years, you dorks!

In a few hours you are probably about to embark on the most overhyped open bar you've ever spent $75 on, but you know what, get it. It was probably a shitty year for you, in which case, flirt with that bartender and wear a see-through belly shirt.
Dance to a culturally insensitive pop song and check your phone for updates on Kimye's baby AND Hilary Clinton's health. Both are important.

Roommate's beautiful apartment decorations!

But as shitty or awesome as things were this past year, they can always get more shitty or more awesome in 2013.

I have one piece of advice/suggestion going into this unlucky year, and that is to stop 'playing it cool.'

Stop playing it cool. I know it's cliche to say, but life is short, and isn't measured in instagram filters or like all-fucking-natural cigarette butts or the length of your ombre. Be bold and poignant with your thoughts and feelings. Try to surround yourself with people who are interested in your ideas. Question your use of irony. Don't be afraid to dig into ugly things.

Like last year, I hope you kiss a bunch of people, remove toxic people from your life (after kissing them a whole bunch), have a few nights in eating plain pasta from a mixing bowl while watching Pawn Stars, and maybe get a new exciting haircut or something.

For myself, I'm hoping to have a few more reasons to shave my legs!

Dream big, love big, eat a big sandwich! 2013! Rah rah rah!

Guitar Hero

So sometimes you have a crush on a boy. And he is cute and interesting and reads good books and maybe has a favorite sports team that you'll check online to see if they are winning their sports game from time to time. And then maybe he also is a musician, but actually just owns a guitar.

And there isn't anything wrong with that. In fact, it might be a little sexy. He has an artistic side, a sensitive side, or maybe he just is a Glam Rocker from the eighties at heart and you know what, you can still have a crush on him.

But there is something that happens and it needs to stop. And this is a PSA for the following situation because it is weird, and strange, and I don't want to deal with it anymore.

So you are on a couch, or maybe his ~*bed*~ and you guys are chatting or maybe just ~*staring weirdly into one another's eyes*~ and he picks up his guitar. You all are still chatting but then slowly and very subtly he is playing all the scales on his guitar and his responses to your conversation turn into "yah, uh huh" "yah, uh huh" and THEN before you know it you guys aren't talking and you are just watching this dude jam out on an acoustic guitar in silence.

Boys, men, ladies who are also guilty of it, please stop. Or at least place a little disclaimer before you go all Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock (wo0o0oo0o) on the person you are wooing. You can simply say, "Baby, listen to me play" or "Hush, words will only ruin this tension."

YOU CAN FILE THIS UNDER: TIPS FROM A GIRL WHO DOESN'T REALLY DATE, BUT SOMETIMES DOES