5.13.2013

I Say Yes, You Say No

There comes a point in every woman's life, one they've probably been anticipating for years, a particular moment that involves gaiety, excess, family, and a very special white dress...
In fact, some women may even argue that this 'moment' extends itself even longer, imprinting a joyous memory to last a life time.
Of course, it is clear, I am referring to the occasion in a woman's life when she sits on a couch for an entire weekend streaming TLC's Say yes To The Dress, Seasons 1-6 on Netflix.

What's that? You haven't indulged in the cinematic masterpiece that is SYTTD, airing Fridays 9/PM Central? You've deprived yourself from the narrative drama happening AS WE SPEAK* at Kleinfeld Bridal in Manhattan?
Well, all these sins are forgiven and you are forever a perfect bride in the church of Randy Fenoli. Let me try to encapsulate the glory that is this show.
                 
Randy is here to HELP!

In 21 minutes you are given the riveting opus of a young woman who needs to go shopping for the dress that is 100% more important than the person she is marrying. Possible scenarios include:
  • No mom
  • No dad
  • Both parents
  • Angry mom
  • Sassy gay friend
  • Sister with attitude
  • Low budget
  • No budget 
  • No mom, no budget
  • No fiance
  • Two fiances
  • Hates dresses
  • Loves dresses
  • Allergic to cats
  • Has never cried or felt an emotion
  • Is from Long Island

Helping make that decision are the bridal consultants. These consultants, the Deus Ex Machina of the production, NO matter what, Keasha Rigsby, Randy Fenoli, Joan Roberts, Camille Coffey, Camille Coffey's lipliner, or Sarah Valasquez are able to steer the impending tragedy of not finding a dress onto a path headed in the direction of...finding a dress.**


At the end of the two act epic play, which as I mentioned is actually and unbelievably only 21 minutes, the brides are ready to make a decision. Aided by the consultants BUT also provoked by the masterful symphony of mood music, the brides either decide to say YES to the dress...or NO to the dress. There are no maybes in this world.

There are of course many spin offs of this masterwork, all of which are inspiring and critically acclaimed. However, I have bombarded you with a lot of ART already today and I don't want to bog you down as you are surely reevaluating your purpose in this world, in the presence of ingenuity.



*I type? You read? IT IS NEVER ENDING!
**Unless of course, these bridal psychics understand that this bride is JUST NOT READY to commit. In which case, they hand them a business card and are like K BYE DON'T WASTE MY FUCKING TIME.

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