There is a repose and vigor to the exercise. Plus you can casually give people helpful stretches or poses to do if they say their shoulder or sit bones hurt. But no matter what, there is a mental journey I go on during every Pilates or Yoga class. Please join me in this recreation.
You first arrive and are a little skeptical of your flexibility. Also of what you ate for lunch. Why must you always have hot wings pre-Pilates. Does everyone know? Are you allowed to eat meat and take these sorts of classes? What if I don't know what the newest kind of almond milk is? Who will love me in this small studio space?
Getting a little further into the class, you're more in the groove. Who cares if your form isn't perfect? You are a unique human being with a harmonious body and no one can tell you differently! Except maybe the super toned, beautiful, racially ambiguous class instructor who keeps correcting your downward dog. But maybe she just wants to touch my body. Yeah, that is definitely it. I practically am a downward dog.
Oh hell yeah, girl. You should be teaching this class. Quit your day job and just become a Pilates instructor who feasts on berries and tempeh protein shakes. Get rid of your cell phone and solely communicate through fuchsia energy waves. You could easily fall off the grid into a hammock on a Costa Rican coffee bean plantation and just live your life with a purpose only those who do Pilates can understand. Can you believe some people eat processed foods? It makes me so sad for humanity.
Okay, wait, shit. This is really hard. You have tipped over the crest of that good-vibe wave and it is a serious wipeout. Pilates is not fun. The fear mongering liberal media has infiltrated your sweet baby brain to make you afraid of things that don't even exist like cellphone waves and osteoporosis. You are just a pawn in their long term plan to run this country on patchouli oil.
Fuck this noise. I'm gonna go home and watch some porn after this. That'll be more enlightening.
~NAMASTE~
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