So, like everyone, I've spent more time than usual on the computer trolling my high school classmates' new boyfriends and the food they've instagrammed. (Both look delicious--get it, girl!) Feeling super up to date on people I don't care about's lives makes me feel both accomplished and creepy. But here is the thing, y'all, I don't deny it. I have a Facebook and I use it. Not a lot of things bother me (loljk, I have a blog, clearly a TON of things irk me) but something that really gets on my nerves is when people* pretend like they 1) don't Facebook stalk people when they clearly do and 2) that their participation in social media is somehow accidental. (No one is that whimsical!)
Example: I ran into a friend the other day who I hadn't seen in a few months. Really nice guy. Okay face. Soul of Gold. Body of soft maleable lumpy gold. Anyways, here is an excerpt of our conversation.
And just like *that* he tripped down an entire flight of subway stairs. But I knew that no one had told him I didn't have heat because 1) we have very few mutual friends and 2) I highly doubt anyone cared past raising their eyebrows about me not having heat. He read it on my blog. And he found my blog because I purposely post it on every social media platform my work computer let's me access. (Still working on linking from my YouPorn account.) (just joking) (I'll never link from there.)Me: Glad things are going well for you. I've been doing great, too!
Him: Yeah? Awesome. Oh man, I heard you didn't have heat in your apartment...
Me: Heard? Oh you mean--
Him: No, someone told me you didn't have heat in your apartment. Ok, gotta go, haha, BYE.
This also works vice versa when people try to make you feel creepy because you reference/remember their tweets. But don't act coy! Those tweets didn't mistakenly make it from your secret diary to your twitter/Facebook/whatever. You were clearly sitting on the toilet drafting the most clever way to let everyone know something funny happened at work and when you hit send being like, "BINGO! Bring on the retweets!" We're living in a share-share-share world. That's why we watch Catfishing Housewives of LA. That is why I don't unfriend people's ex boyfriends who now have face tattoos.
Take pride in all those grilled cheeses you instagram, the selfies you post, or the song lyrics you tweet. Or don't. Whatever. But don't pretend like anything you post on the internet is ultra-personal, secret, and not being checked out by some creepy dude at 3 in the morning.
* 'people' here being people who are active on the internet/social media. This might not necessarily be you, and if that's the case I probably think you are mysterious and have a super huge crush on you.
