Girls, please

Did you watch the Super Bowl? And if you didn’t, did you come up with a witty Facebook status about not watching the Super Bowl? Did you Beyonce yourself while watching Beyonce?

Personally, last night’s footsy kick and brawl and Michelle Williams’ Make-A-Wish foundation to sing along with Bey one more time, was all a grand Illuminati extravaganza to distract us from what was really going on last night: Episode 4 of Girls HBO, written/directed/produced/and tweeted about by Lena Dunham.

That’s right. There was an episode of Girls that had to be aired EARLIER THAN NORMAL because of the Super Bowl. Though, to be fair, both spectacles involve wardrobe malfunctions, angry feminists, and boys in tight pants, so I couldn’t really tell a difference.  I understand Girls is a controversial show, and by that I mean, it is actually a very tame show whose cultural importance has been exponentially blown out of proportion, which in itself has become a controversy. Everyone from Kareem Abdul Jabbar to your high school US History teacher has a really intense opinion about the merit or lack thereof of the show. Also, on a side note, wouldn’t it be cool if Kareem Abdul Jabbar WAS your high school US History teacher? I digress…

What really matters is not how you feel about Girls, but just that you feel something about it. So for those who have yet to assemble an opinion on the show, I provide you with a handy 6 step guide to taking a side to the greatest debate that has happened in the past year (Mitt Romney, once again, defeated.)

Exclusive pic of me in a bed in Bushwick
(AKA the set of Girls)

• First off, it is completely unnecessary to actually watch the show. The show is pretty boring and the articles being written about it definitely steal the spotlight. Feel free to base your opinion solely to oppose your annoying cousin’s feelings on the show.
• Throughout the show, while the people on the screen are moving their mouths and putting food in their mouths, the girls take their shirts off and you see their boobs. Think long and hard how you feel about boobs. 
• Though technically noted as being a realistic and grounded representation of the post-grad abyss, I’ve found the second season’s sudden and forced introduction of black people AND Republicans (two birds, one Donald Glover) to resemble a bizarre Sci-fi movie. There is vague explanation of how he came about, but like the white liberal heroes of the genre, Dunham’s character Hannah successfully gets him to retreat. As she continues her peaceful existence, she can conveniently bring up their relationship as bragging rights. So, do you like sci-fi? Do you like my bad metaphor trying to explore Dunham’s problematic ‘color splash’ in her second season?
• If your favorite activity is “bathing with your friends” then this is the show for you.
• The one thing I really relate to is complaining about my rent. So if you pay rent, you can definitely relate to the characters. But don’t worry—if you don’t pay rent/aren’t ever stressed about rent*, you can definitely relate to the actors.
• There is an old belief that everyone is at least six degrees separated from whoever’s HBO Go account they use. So in my humble opinion, if you ignore my first step and decide to watch the show, find an ex’s cousin’s freshman year roommate, steal their HBO Go info, and watch the entirety of either The Sopranos or The Wire. Those are really good shows.

*go die.